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Marina Hyde

‘Fick Fufa’: Was it Good for You, Sepp?

The ghastly strong-arming of a still grieving Nelson Mandela to attend the finale. The extra-constitutional courts and wildly disparate punishments for locals versus tourists. £2.5b in tax-free profit. Etc. “Fifa’s MO is to ensure the country’s statute book has been made comfortable for its arrival, take over almost entirely for the period of time needed to siphon out the money, before pulling up anchor and moving on to the next host organism. Naturally, we all wish Brazil the best of luck – but the time has surely come to ask who regulates the regulator. Perhaps it’s one for the UN, assuming Fifa isn’t about to take its first seat on the security council.” (Marina Hyde/The Guardian)

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The 10 Most Irritating World Cup Products

he Official England Garden Gnome. World Cup Widow newspaper columns. The England Scoregasm. “To say World Cup merchandise can tend towards the naff always feels something of an understatement. Frankly, it can make QVC’s Dazzling Diamonique Hour look like the Wallis Simpson Collection. Yet even when you’re sure the bottom of this barrel has been well and truly scraped, some chiselling retailer always manages to discover a concealed basement to the cask.” (Marina Hyde/The Guardian)

Read of the Day: Tell All

Unlike four years ago, there won’t be a spate of narcissistically perfect footballer autobiographies from Ye Olde Merry this World Cup — no sequels to Cole’s My Defence, Lampard’s Totally Frank, or Rooney’s My Story So Far, “which lacked the rank offensiveness of the former two too but made up for it with neuron-killing prose.” Could it be a favorable omen for England’s chances? Because “in an odd way such artless, witless, money-grubbing howlers went some way to restoring the gaiety of the nation, uniting people in delicious affront.” (Marina Hyde/The Guardian)

Read of the Day: Shades of Bill Shankly

Bill Shankly was a passionate socialist — so one wonders what he would think of the boarded-up houses around Anfield, with unemployment as high as 43% in Liverpool Walton and further dilapidation around Goodison Park. In a town where the reciprocal relationship between club and community once was strong as steel, “walking the eerily derelict streets round Anfield on a match day it is difficult not to conclude that football’s current model is dysfunctional.” (Marina Hyde/The Guardian)