The Spoken Word of Ray Hudson

Editor’s note: I’ve always loved the book O Holy Cow! The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto (1993), in which Tom Peyer and Hart Seely collected some of Scooter’s most inspired verbal improvisations during New York Yankees telecasts of the 1970s and 1980s and treated them as found poetry, originally for columns in the Village Voice. Ray Hudson’s flights of fancy on GOL TV seem perfect to me for similar treatment. Enjoy.

He Doesn’t Live There

Absolute genius again
From Messi!
They tried
To kick him
They tried
To plow him into the ground
And what you do then?
You try to put
Fire out
With gasoline!
Don’t look for him
In the Xs and Os
He doesn’t live there.
He doesn’t live in
The tactical world
Or the technical world
He lives in the
Magnetic spectrum
Of genius.
You could corral him with
A dozen alligators
And still he’d weave
His way out.


Lionel Messi, man
Is like a zombie hunter
Looking for a twinkie.
The pressurized moments
The pressure makes diamonds
That is Lionel Messi.
This Real Madrid side
If nothing else
Are so mentally tough
They find a way
To come back out of
The closet
But that little werewolf there
He just sunk his fangs
Right into them.

I See Ya, Buddy

Beautiful football like this
Should be outlawed
It’s so heavenly
Who else is it
But Chameleon Eyes
Dagger out
Beautiful finish
He had a
Square man running
But he’s audacious enough to say
I see ya, buddy
But I don’t need ya.

Covered with Eyes

What he is
He’s like something
Out of Greek mythology, man
Little short-legged bull
Lionel Messi
Covered with eyes!

(Real Madrid-Barcelona, GOLTV, 10 April 2010)

Vintage Messi

How many angels
Can dance on the head of a pin?
How magnificent
Is Messi?
There is no answer
It’s like counting the bubbles
In a bottle of Champagne

Come Out of the Dark

Was reading
Some of these blogs and
Stuff on the Internet
Some of the descriptions about
And Lionel Messi
Arguably the greatest
Football player
Arguably the most
Attacking side
And who’s arguing?
That’s what
I’d like to know
I mean
Come out of the dark

Neither with Net nor Trident

The genius, the genius of
In our modern-day life
He doesn’t know
What he’s going to do
So how the hell
Do the defenders
You cannot contain him
With a net
Or a trident
He’s got pace
He’s got power
He’s got vision
And he’s got
Finishing power
His cup
Runneth over…
Magnificent Messi
Wild man
He doth bestride the Earth
Like a Colossus

(GOL TV, Real Zaragosa/Barcelona, 21 March 2010)

The Goalpost Ain’t Movin’

He finds the angle
He takes account of
Everything in the universe
Into consideration
Make no mistake about it
This is an
World-class goal
When you see it again
This is an applaudable effort
This is a direct hit
This wonderful, considerate
Stab home.
He takes it down
And stabs it delightfully
Into that top corner
The angle is perfect
The weight
The trajectory
The brilliance
That was an absolute
Of a goal.
He doesn’t need
To look
Because he knows the goalpost
Ain’t movin’.

(GOL TV, Fulham-Juventus, 18 March 2010)

A Tough Old Boot

He has
A pretty boy reputation
Ronaldo does
But he’s
A tough old boot
He does take the dive
Now and then
But you cannot
Kick him off the ball
He’ll come back

(GOL TV, Valladolid-Real Madrid, 14 March 2010)

They Don’t Have a Tenth

Wonderful football
From the Tango man
Wonderful verve
Drawing gasps out of this crowd
The Messis got it
The Verons got it
The Di Marías got it
And yet
They don’t have a tenth
Of what that guy [Maradona] had.

(GOL TV, Germany-Argentina, 3 March 2010)

Like Piranhas

And here they come
Like piranhas
And this one
With those teeth
Takes a bite.

(GOLTV, Tenerife-Real Madrid, 27 February 2010)